Tim Miles, Wizard of Ads | The Daily Blur » Family

Sick Words

Tim — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 14:11:27 +0000

So, your tummy starts hurting a little bit on Sunday. You don’t sleep much, but you get up and head to St. Louis for a day of meetings.

Your tummy hurts a little more. You sleep a little less.

Tuesday you go see the doc at the urging of your mother. Yes, even though you’re almost 40, you still listen to your mother.

Good boy.

After a day’s worth of needles, barium shakes, CT scans, and one gloved finger you don’t really want to discuss, you find out you have something called diverticulitis – which is painful as heck but can at least be treated over ten days with antibiotics if you don’t mind the nausea.

So, the good news? You don’t need to have your appendix removed. The bad news? You have something called diverticulitis.

I thought a lot about this last night as I wasn’t sleeping.

And I think I’d be less bothered by it if were named ‘puppies’ or ‘frisbee’ or something fun.

That said, there were about forty others in the CT lab waiting room yesterday at Boone Hospital (thanks for the free WiFi!), and they all appeared to be in various stages of ‘worse’ and ‘off’ than me. I have an old friend – same age as me – who’s about to leave us forever after a long battle with breast cancer.

Life is short. I have no problems – only lessons and the occasional discomforting inconvenience.

My family’s home after 11 days away. I’m not recovering from surgery today. I’ve gotten to talk to my mama several times in the last couple days.

And I learned the next time I get to name something – in sickness or health – I’m not going to name it something scary.

Words matter – for better and worse. Why not pick a few to give someone hope, encouragement, peace, or a little comfort today?

No related posts.

It Was 50 Years Ago Today

Tim — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 14:59:59 +0000

They said, “I do.”

And they’re the reason I’m here, sure, but they’re also the reason I like to think I’m polite and respectful and curious and, on occasion, a little funny. They’re also the reason I have two siblings – older siblings … much older siblings – whose reputations and good deeds I’ve tried to emulate and honor.

A lot of people don’t stay together these days. In fact, in our little world, we know that 8.5 out 10 marriages of parents of children with autism end in divorce.

Wow. That’s a shocking and sad number. Dee and I know we’re in it for the long haul. Hers celebrate 40 this year. Mine celebrate 50 today.

We have some amazingly good role models. It all started 50 years ago today.

Thanks, Ma and Pa, Mom and Dad, Grandma and Grandpa, and Rich and Janet. You’ve had many names over the years. They all translate into roughly the same thing: “Love and Commitment.”

House Money, Four Little Words & The Night Everything Changed

Tim — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 12:49:42 +0000

Yesterday, as I planned my week ahead, I initially chose to write about strategic planning this morning. I owe you parts two through five of a simple way to make strategic planning doable. I was stressed about the week ahead – a monstrous to-do list as our practice and levels of responsibility continue to grow.

Then, last night, everything changed.

When our son – who turned five in October – was 18 months old, he was diagnosed with moderate autism. If you’re familiar with the disorder, you know it’s a wide spectrum. Our son’s somewhere out in right-center field.

Non-verbal until about three and a half, life with Will was a daily battle between patience and frustration. Imagine an automatic-drip coffee filter. That was Will’s brain. Still is: waaaaay too much sensory input with just a drip at a time coming out.

For more than five years, I’ve told my son I loved him when I put him to bed.

Last night, for the first time, he said, “I love you, too.”

By my count:

I’ve told my son I loved him as I wished him good night more than 1500 times.
I’ve professionally written more than 2,500,000 words over the past fifteen years.

None of them had as much impact on my life as the four he casually offered up last night before closing his eyes.

So, here’s the thing. My scary week? Not so scary anymore.

Me? I’m playing on house money this week.

Everything else that gets done is just a bonus.

Funny thing is – I woke up ready to go … fearless … with nothing so troubling or problematic. I want to get more done.

Why not pretend you’re playing on house money today? Be a little bit bolder, a little friendlier, and a little bit more adventurous. Why not?

You know we’re all playing on house money, right?

When I shared the new of Will’s four words with my friends last night, Cathy shared this:

“One of the strange things about living in the world is that it is only now and then one is quite sure one is going to live forever and ever and ever.” ~ Frances Hodgson Burnett

Hmm. Here’s the other thing, and hopefully what keeps these 600 words from veering too far off course:

It wasn’t some miraculous bit of serendipity. These four words came from the patience, frustration, work, sweat, creativity, rewards, tears, and laughter of seven days a week of in-home therapy and five days a week of additional outside-the-home therapy.

These four words came from practice.

These four words came from work.

For more than five years, I hoped these words would come. Since he was eighteen months old, we’ve given every available bit of time and money to help them find their way from brain to mouth.

Hope alone ain’t a strategy. Perhaps you’ve heard.

There’s your secret then: If you want something badly enough, you’ll practice every day and make tiny little bits of progress in the face of staggering cliffs of frustration.

And you just keep coming back like some stubborn stupid fighter that doesn’t know when to quit.

You do the hard things. Sometimes those things take five years or more. Patience becomes the greater expression of commitment. Commitment becomes the greater expression of grace.

Easy? You want easy? Great. Enjoy your life of mediocrity.

Hmm. Guess this was a little bit about strategic planning after all.

Thanks, buddy.

UPDATE: Last night, I was met again with silence. That’s okay. Baby steps …

Another Snow Day for Science

Tim — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 20:32:26 +0000

Yesterday, the boy and I dug deep into the world of science with help from a bunch of experiment videos from PBS.

Today, the mad scientist continued to advance his field with ‘will it sink or float, daddy?’

Next stop, Stockholm.

Snow Day Play

Tim — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 13:52:12 +0000

No school today. Snow day. There is some rejoicing. The boy actually likes going to school.

Our son’s gotten into science and cause/effect in a big way thanks to a free online video series over at PBS Kids’ Curious George pages.

The videos are each only a few minutes and present subjects like making music, how to organize stuff, planets and orbits, and making paper mache. They demonstrate experiments throughout.

Last night he and I tackled paper mache. This morning, our project didn’t work out the way we had planned because we used too much water.

“That’s okay, daddy. It was an experiment. Today … we should use more flour. And we should do one with more water to see what happens then.”

Okay, buddy. Sounds good. I’m in.

No videogames. No TV. Just experiments, curiosity, and the occasional mess.

There’s a video on snow that we may have to check out since school is cancelled.

How about you?

Where do you turn when it’s time for snow day play?

Speaking of …

Tim — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 15:10:04 +0000

Miscellaneous recent thoughts and conversations involving a happy-but-road-weary holiday traveler:

Gifts v. Presents: There’s a difference. But sometimes the separate circles intersect. I’m not sure the specifics, but in the intersection of the two, you find grace.

Speaking of grace, babies make grandparents downright daffy. Maybe a baby’s abundant gas contains some sort of special pheramone that inhibits the rational thinking receptors in grandma and grandpa’s brains. I’m reasonably certain they didn’t hear a word Dee or I said from the moment we arrived and Sarah smiled her first clock-stopping smile in their general direction.

Speaking of focus, come first of the year Dee’s going to start training for another half marathon in May. She needs to formally schedule the workouts. If they’re not written down, they’re too easy to put off. Next thing she knows, it’ll be middle of April, and she’ll be in no shape to run, and it’ll be too late to do anything about it. I started thinking all development’s exactly the same way. I purchased several online training courses last year, and they still sit waiting in their folders. Sure, we had a baby, but there will always be reasons to not work on something important (vs. merely urgent). I’m going to be scheduling equal time to work on my own skills.

Speaking of development, my brother-in-law recently earned his Doctorate. Dr. Butler’s going to help change the way schoolteachers shape the lives of exceptional children. I’m in awe of his discipline to endure and sacrifice and accomplish.

Speaking of accomplished, Michael Hyatt commented on one of my posts. You can read it down at the bottom of the post. I’ve never met Michael Hyatt, CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishers, but he’s been a big influence in my so-called worklife. It would probably be akin to Kristofferson commenting on someone’s songwriting blog.

Speaking of songwriting, have you seen the Jeff Bridges movie yet? I can’t wait. I love his work, and it’s great to see him getting his due for a role like this.

Speaking, again, of songwriting: Oh Holy Night – What a song … the words, I mean. I’ve made a to-do to research its origins. I heard a new song on a PBS Christmas special the other night, A Baby Changes Everything, that’s really, really good. Craig Wiseman wrote it with Tim Nichols. Is it bad to say I wish it wasn’t Faith Hill singing it? I was really trying to hear her friend, Lori McKenna, singing it. Or Patty Griffin.

Speaking of music, I’ve been using some Stereo Bluetooth Headphones – I’ve got these bluetooth headphones from Motorola (S9-HD) that sound great. I adore the absence of wires and cables in my life. That said, the little rubber ear thingies keep falling off. And it has syncing problems with my computer. Bittersweet. Do you have a pair you love?

Speaking of thingies, this is as good a time as any to admit I like simplifying my life, but I’m certainly not a minimalist. I like stuff – at least stuff that makes my life more efficient or adds delight. David Pierce has a really great blog where he, too, thinks about and writes about such stuff. He reposted a bunch of great content for the holiday season.

Speaking of blogs, Google Reader tells me I’ve got more than 900 articles to catch up on. You know what’s fun sometimes? Pressing the [Mark All As Read] button. It’s okay. You’re allowed. No one’s going to come and eat your pets.

Speaking of not eating pets, same holds true for tweeting and facebooking and socialing and networking. I haven’t put anything on twitter and only a couple pics of my kids on facebook. I haven’t missed it at all. Godin just focuses on his blog. I may just do the same in 2010.

Speaking of 2010, both sets of grandparents now have wireless internet in their homes … … … … listen closely … … … that’s the clock ticking on dial-up’s demise. Last person with a modem be sure to turn off the lights, okay?

What have you been speaking of this holiday season?

What? Would you prefer I’d written: Of what have you been speaking this holiday season? That’s just dumb. Speaking of which … sorry for going all Larry King on you.

Making A List

Tim — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 14:11:14 +0000

Making several lists, actually.

We’re getting ready to hit the road with Baby Sarah for the first time. There is much rejoicing (and a bit of sadness that Honda doesn’t make a larger vehicle).

Over the holiday, I’ll be digging through the archives to bring you some classic-but-valuable chestnuts.

I’m seriously thinking about unplugging more – not less – in 2010. What do you think? Over at Michael Hyatt’s blog the other day, a guest poster suggested a technology fast on Sundays. Tim Miles likes this.

And I don’t think the world will falter if I don’t drag my little phone around to check email after maybe 6 o’clock central time (I have several clients in Mountain time – want to at least honor the traditional end of their workday).

I suspect if I focus on being a better father, friend and man in 2010, then being a better professional will take care of itself as a result of habits formed by the first three.

Yesterday, my wife and I talked briefly about how – one year ago that moment – we hadn’t even conceived of Sarah. (snicker)

What will one year from this very moment bring for us? What will it bring for you?

More importantly, what actions will you take to make it happen?

Merry Christmas, Christians. Happy Holidays, All.

- Tim, Dee, Will, Baby Sarah, and Kitty

One Step Forward …

Tim — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 22:45:45 +0000

You write check after check for tens and tens of thousands and thousands. You invest in special schools, doctors, diets, and therapies. Hours become days. Days become years. You give everything. You give stuff you didn’t know was in there because you have no choice. You didn’t ask for this, but you were given this miraculous little puzzle, so it’s what you do. You commit for the long haul.

Others have no such vested interest.

You want to shake them and grab them by their collars and say, “See?! Can’t you see what progress he’s made?! Do you have any idea how hard he’s worked? Can’t you see how far he’s come?!?!”

Can’t you see how far he’s come?

But the world-renowned center sends you a report clinically damning his progress.

“Autism will be a life-long condition …”

Yeah. No kidding.

And the schoolyard moms – some seemingly closer to his age than mine and fresh out of their newly minted SUVs – try not to make eye contact with that boy or his father.

“You should really watch your child.”

Yeah? No kidding?

He often looks at me and says “I’ll try harder, daddy.”

Me too, buddy. Me, too.

Let us give thanks for the special people in your life. Let us be thankful and grateful. For Miss Audrey and Miss Nadia and Miss Kelly and Miss Teresa and Miss Lechelle and Miss Jennifer and Dr. Holly and Dr. Baptist and even that daffy Dr. Amy. Therapists who don’t give up and teachers who care. And mama … especially your warrior mama. Let the gratitude wash over the rage and drown it for another night.

Tomorrow’s a new day. Tomorrow we’ll get back to work. Tonight, let’s just hug and snuggle and dream. And pray maybe a little. And breathe deep a lot.

All is calm. All is bright. Tomorrow’s a new day.

Amen.

One Step Forward … Two Steps Back …

You give them tens and tens of thousands of dollars. You invest in special schools, diets, and therapies. Hour after hour after hour.

Years go by.

You want to shake them and grab them by their collars and say, “See?! Can’t you see what progress he’s made?! Do you have any idea how hard he’s worked? He’s a freaking genius!?”

But the other moms – fresh out of their newly minted SUVs – try not to make eye contact with him or his dad.

The world-renowned center most famous for their ability to raise money sends you a report clinically damning his progress.

He often looks at me and says “I’ll try harder, daddy.”

Me too, buddy. Me, too.

I’m unplugging for a few days. You should do the same. Go hug your kids or snuggle with your dog or read a book. And pray, maybe. A little. And breathe, deep. A lot.

All is calm. All is bright.

Amen.

On the Road: Thinking Strategically

Tim — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 14:36:38 +0000

Hiya. I’m on my first (brief) road trip since our daughter was born. Made a couple notes yesterday I thought shareworthy:

1. You’ll be so much better off when traveling if you force yourself to drink more water and less soda, coffee, and tea. Also, if you struggle with falling to sleep on the road, try a natural spray called melatonin.

2. My client knew a guy named Mike who – 27 years ago – told my client to constantly measure how much of his daily business is proactive and how much is reactive. He said to align those percentages with the Pareto Principle: You’ll be doing very well when no less than 80% of your day is proactive and no more than 20 is reactive. Seems pretty good application of the principle. We’re working toward that goal.

3. Radio advertising – used properly – still works mind-bendingly well for the right business in the right business category. Reports of its demise have been greatly exaggerated.

4. At 2 pm this past (cold) Saturday, of the 57 HVAC companies in my client’s trade area, 5 answered their phones. Five. 11 more had recordings. 8 more had services. For more than half the phone just rang and rang and rang. I should amend #3 above to say “… for the right business in the right business category with the right competition.”

5. Man, you’ve gotta think about how you measure success. I used to love to travel. Right now? I just miss my wife and kids.

Home tonight. More effective, efficient strategic planning tomorrow. You’ve been a great audience. Enjoy Harry Chapin: